To My Friends & Family

If I’ve been keeping track correctly, then the three words most used to describe me are “kind”, “sweet”, and “smart”.

That’s correct, and I’ll give you that much, but if you really know me, then you’re aware that the last of those words should be changed to “smart-ass”.

Therefore, you shouldn’t be surprised if you get mentioned here and you realize I’m actually making fun of you. I’ll never mention names, though. And you can’t do much about it, even if you do get pissed off, because you know that I’m the most patient and kind out of all your friends, and I’m the only one who will bring you soup at three in the morning, in -40 celsius weather, and will foot the bill when you decide you want pizza instead, but you’re too poor to buy it yourself. You bastards.

If you make a rude comment, I’ll delete it. If you mention anything personal from MY life, well, that’s MY job here, and I’ll delete the shit out of that too. If you complain to me, I’ll call your mother and tell her about the time you did a line, so beat that, motha. And listen, before you think that something is referring to YOU specifically, ask me in person, mmmkay? That way I can have the opportunity to lie to your face instead of over the internet.

Now have a good day, and take care of yourselves.

**Certain people in my life are untouchable and will hardly be mentioned in this blog, if ever. You know who you are. I think.